One Month Till Conan Return

God, I hate Leno

Do You Like Fishsticks?

Good News

A silver lining to our deathscape economy, pirate attacks (and attacks on naked pirates), auto industry collapse and so on and so forth....

HBO's Eastbound and Down has been renewed!

"The premium cable network announced Wednesday (April 8th) that production on a new run of “Eastbound & Down” will begin later this year and will premiere in 2010"

I wonder if Kenny Powers will chime in on the news.

Figuring Out This Online TV Model

The line between TV and the internet is blurring quicker than you may think. Subscription-based services may soon replace a lot of free programming available through hulu and the like:

"Time Warner Cable, the second-largest cable operator in the country, is working with customers here to test a subscriber model for online TV viewing. Residents who pay for HBO can watch “Big Love,” “Entourage” and other programs on their computers, using special software and a personal log-in. People who are not HBO subscribers are barred from the service."

"Cable executives expect broader tests by this summer of the new systems, which require them to develop technology to identify their subscribers when they go online. The approach is expected to be a hot topic at the cable industry’s annual trade show in Washington this week.

There are also signs that broadcasters and cable networks are worried that their initial, highly publicized push to put some of their programs online may be threatening the higher revenue they bring in when the same material runs on regular television. Cable networks are loath to put programs online unless they can maintain the per-subscriber fee that they receive from distributors."

Presser Roundup

Gawker has a round-up of some of the worst offenders of the press conference:

"Major Garret: Fox News. For finding a way to ask an economic question involving both the words "communist" and "socialist," and for using a White House press conference as a platform from which to pitch his idea for a dystopian science fiction TV series.

The Chinese are about to launch a global currency, you see, while European socialists are bringing about a New Dark Age by not allocating more GDP to government spending, like, uh, Milton Friedman would.

In summary: You're gay for France and all Soviet sympathizers everywhere, Mr. President, but where are your red friends now, mmmmmm? Least relevant question of the presser; also, the one most likely to make your target Fox News viewer do a fist-jab in his Barcalounger."

Junkie Theater

In the era of skank of love busses, karaoke on steroids, and NCIS24CSIs, the best show in town is our president facing off against the hungry hungry hypocritical press corp. Hungry, because Obama remains one of the few chunks of ratings gold left on TV. Hypocritical, because the same networks and publications who chastise him for late-night sit downs and ESPN Barack-etology, salivate at the opportunity to spread the wealth of soundbites and optics to every nook and cranny of the media universe.

Since the inauguration, Obama has been attacked for appearing too aloof, too serious, too unserious, too nuanced, too vague, too pessimistic, and too optimistic. Yes, a lot of these contridictions are coming from opposing sides: republicans vs. democratics, bankers vs. unions; but lately the line has been blurred to include praise from the GOP and criticism from the liberals. Whatever. The point is not to pick a side or complain about injustice. Instead, it's to get all giddy about a night sure to produce drama and intrigue.

Between the bank plan roll out and Cheney bashing, Special Olympic gaffe and a painstakingly long vetting process, there's enough fodder to last a 16-episode story arc. Couple that with a press corp jockeying for airspace and you have what's shaping out to be a dynamic hour of television that bests anything else out there (except for Eastbound and Down, of course).

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

I cannot believe I used to laugh at some of these:

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Well, I think so, Brain, but first you'd have to take that whole bridge apart, wouldn't you?

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but we're already naked.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but if they called them "Sad Meals", kids wouldn't buy them!

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking -- I mean, what would the children look like?

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but I don't think Kay Ballard's in the union.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but, the Rockettes? I mean, it's mostly girls, isn't it?

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Umm, I think so, Brain, but three men in a tub? Ooh, that's unsanitary!

Behind the Scenes: Eastbound and Down

Top 10 Conan Moments

Relive the magic here:

#3 Apple picking with Mr. T

Do You Know What Necrophilia Is?

And other gems in this cut of outtakes between Ricky Gervais and Elmo

God Bless The Post

NY Post has the greatest American Idol scandal pics. A friend informed me tonight is Michael Jackson night on Idol. Those are always fun.

NJ Nick On Rock of Love Bus and Tool Academy

NJ Nick returns for another heavily edited post.
Check out his site at PhillySportsPride

Sunday nights on Vh1 could possibly be the best night of television in the history of the world. Not only was I entertained, but I also learned life lessons from watching Tool Academy and Rock of Love Bus last night.

First Rock of Love Bus: I don't care how old Brett Michaels is or how many times he does this show, I will always watch it because it gets better every time. If you are not familiar with this show since you are probably unemployed like the rest of our country you have time to read this article which means you have time to catch up on reruns of Rock of Love. [ed. note: That doesn't really make sense, but I'll leave it] Basically, Brett Michaels, the former lead singer of the 80's hair band Posion, is looking for love because he is tired of touring the country and banging really hot stripper chicks.

Well that still occurs: Most of the girls who are on the show are former hot stripper chicks. Anyway, this season is heating up because the alliance known as the Blondetourage is being split up. Brett had to let Farrah ("What the French" is her famous line) go because she was making Ashely the other skanky blonde act different around Brett. What I've learned from this show is Brett Michaels is the best elimination person in reality TV. He says the same thing every time and it works every time. I will now use it any time I end things with a girl. Here is how Brett let's you go:

"You look stunning tonight. I just want to let you know that and you have a remarkable soul, an awesome sprit. i felt we had a physical connection but no emotional connection...so your tour ends here."

Next we had the season finale of Tool Academy, possibly the greatest show that ever appeared on the small screen. The season started off by taking some D-Bag's who are tatted up, spray tanned, spend two hours a day styling their hair, take HGH, and think they are the greatest thing walking the earth. They think they are on a reality show called "Mr. Awesome", but are really on to be told the error of their toolish and cheating ways with the help of the token British psychologist woman. After revealed the show's true theme is revealed , the tools' girlfriends are brought on to compete in relationship building/vh1ey challenges.

The show has some great characters with a lot of use of the word "BRO!!" I never thought the word bro could be used this much on televison. Brad from "Real World: San Francisco" used to hold the single-season record word's use, but with all of the Tools combined, I think we have a new one. However, there should be an asterisk next to the Tool Academy record because most of the guys on this show are on steroids.

The finale came down to Matsuflex and Tiny Tool. Matsuflex was by far the biggest tool of any guy who gave himself his own nickname, but he seemed to turn the corner and really make progress with his girl. But on the final show he started crying and wanted to be known as Robert. This made him look like a bigger tool then he was when he came to the show.

Tiny Tool made the most progress with his girlfriend. At first, it looked like this couple was doomed: a little skinny tool bag who wanted to be a professional bowler and his 259lb. girlfriend who was just happy to have a guy into her, even though he was cheating on her. But by the end, this couple made good progress. You would never think you learn a lesson from a show like this. It just goes to show that when someone wants to change, they can change. We all have to look in the mirror sometimes, or maybe I'm just a tool for writing this.

Blonde Charity Mafia in DC

From my buddies over at dcsleez.com, the CW is currently filming a D.C. version of "The Hills" called "Blonde Charity Mafia.

According to Washington Post's The Reliable Source, the show will center on three Beltway socialites and their philanthropy vanity projects around the Capital.

The show's three stars, Katherine Kennedy, Krista Johnson and Sophie Pyle, are...well, I looked them up and there's nothing of to report on. Guess we'll just have to wait. I'm sure I'll watch, assuming it ever airs. The show was originally slated for Lifetime but was dropped in late 2008 for one reason or another. I never claimed to be a journalist.

I've Got The Golden Ticket

Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. Please let it be paternity tests. But I'll settle for boot camp or out of control teens.