Pirates! No, Not Those Ones

The University of Maryland was to show the porno titled Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge at its student union last week. BUT, Maryland State Senator and total buzzkill, Andrew Harris (arrrrR-MD), wasn't too keen on the idea of a public university airing porn so he threatened to withhold school funding.

University of Maryland, home to incessant Israel versus Palestine sidewalk chalk wars, riots, and library masturbators, is not one to shy away from controversy. So some administrators, lawyers, ACLU members and students held a "rebel screening" to air pornographic footage and teach all sorts of "Full House" lessons about copulation and the responsibility of caring for Comet.

The stuffy TIME version of the events are here
The fun Gawker versions are here and here
And the Diamondback student newspaper piece here

The Lady Terps

Lost in the madness of March for University of Marylanders who had to suffer a brutal loss to the oversized Memphis Tigers in the NCAA Men's Tournament is the superior Lady Terrapins basketball team. I grew up as an unabashed hater of women's basketball. From the brick parade and finals scores that resembled football games, I was quick to dismiss the ladies game as an inferior alternative and easy punchline. My preconceptions could not have been more wrong. It took a National Championship run in 2006 to get me to notice, but once I finally jumped on the bandwagon, I was hooked.

The Lady Terps average more points per game than their male counterparts, shoot better, and possess a better collective personality. During a long stretch in the first half of the second round match-up against Utah, the team hit a slew of pull-up jumpers, fired picture perfect passes to the low post and blocked the living shit out of a sure layup. They draw huge crowds by women's standards and have dwarfed the men's team with three trips to the Sweet 16 since 2006. It's easy to cling to a winner, but there are plenty of winners out there you wouldn't pay a nickel to watch. This team is fun to watch.

So as the team marches ahead in the NCAA Tournament, I'd like to share my appreciation of seniors Marissa Coleman and Kristi Toliver who helped covert an ignoramus into a fan. If you've read this far, check out a piece WaPo's Mike Wise has on the duo's last home game:

"Sixty-five wins, three losses here. Two unbeaten seasons at home. Near-capacity crowds, including a throaty student section last night.

Did we mention the national title banner? It hangs high on a steel beam with the No. 20, worn by the floor leader whose three-pointer in the championship game three Aprils ago brought dead quiet to Duke, and No. 25, worn by the do-everything forward who stylishly cinched the fabric of her jersey together, better exposing the sinewy arms and strong shoulders responsible for more than 1,000 rebounds."

Maryland

Here is a tournament preview I wrote for deadspin, along with some fun facts about the school:

1. Fear la Tortuga. An impressive ACC Tournament performance negated the bad losses to Morgan State and Virginia to send #10 Maryland to face the #7 California Golden Bears in Kansas City on Thursday. The two teams met this past season in football, where the Terps beat the Gatorade out of Cal, 35-27. Junior guard Greivis “Arantxa Sánchez-Vicario” Vasquez, the only player in the nation to wear eye black, leads the team in points (17.2), rebounds (5.5) and assists (5.1) per game. The fiery Venezuelan played high school ball with Kevin Durant at Montrose Christian in Rockville, MD. Eric Hayes, Maryland’s other starting guard, always looks like he’s about to turn the ball over, causing me to yell at my TV and out my window. But then he’ll knock down a big three, and all is forgiven…for now. Oafy, yet lovable Dave Neal, whom Terp alum Scott Van Pelt dubs “The Mayor” for some reason, holds his own despite looking like a cross between Paul Blart and Kevin James. The lone senior leads the team in 3-point percentage and SABs (Smiles After Buckets). He’s the Jimmy Fallon of basketball. Interchangeable parts Landon Milbourne, Adrian Bowie, Sean Mosely, Cliff Tucker and Dino Gregory have had their moments, but the team’s success is dependent on the play of Vasquez. In Maryland’s 20 wins, Vasquez averaged 19.3 ppg; in losses, he averaged just 11.5.

2. Fun Gestapo. Best known for burning couches, Scheyerface, and throwing batteries at Carlos Boozer’s mom, Maryland’s fans can be a little rambunctious. But at least we do it in unison! So it was sad to see our Commie utopia disrupted when the university shot down the contest-winning nickname for the Comcast Center student section. Campus buzzkills deemed the name “Red Army” offensive to Eastern Europeans, proving once again that Native Americans are the only people colleges can still publicly disparage.

3. Midnight Madness. On October 15, 1971, Maryland coach, Lefty Driesell, began the tradition of Midnight Madness in an effort to build up hype around his squad. At midnight, which marked the beginning of the first official day of team practice, Coach Driesell had his players run laps around Byrd Stadium’s track. Reflecting on the day, Lefty said, “I got the word around campus and 500 or 600 people showed up. We didn't have (stadium) lights, so the guys ran by car lights.” Not to be outdone, current coach and R.J. Bentley’s frequenter Gary Williams has carved out his own Madness staple by entering the arena floor in increasingly ridiculous vehicles. A tank is considered a vehicle, right?

Here’s Gary in a Lambo; on a motorcycle; in a tank!

Bonus: The Wikipedia entry on Midnight Madness has redefined laziness in fact-checking:

According to legend, Lefty Driesell, who was the head coach for the Maryland Terrapins men's basketball team, began the tradition in 1970 or 1971.

Maryland Women: ACC Tournament Champions!

For the first time in 20 years, the University of Maryland women's basketball team became champions of the ACC Tournament with a 92-89 overtime victory over Duke. The win locks up a #1 seed for the NCAA tournament.

Duke sent the game into OT with a last second tip in, but Marisa Coleman's three-pointer with 2:53 left in the extra period sealed the title for the Terps. Coleman had a monster game, with 28 points, 15 rebounds and 6 assists.

Here's a nice little piece on the ACC rivalries.

Maryland Hopeful Center Of Recruiting Controversy

Eric Prisbell and Steve Yanda of The Washington Post report on a potential conflict of interest between the University of Maryland, Under Armour, and Brooklyn hoops stand-out, Lance Stephenson. Under Armour, trying to penetrate the shoe market long dominated by Nike, Reebok, and Adidas, has targeted Stephenson as a key player in its marketing efforts if and when the prospect reaches the NBA.

While the practice of shoe companies wooing top high school talent is nothing new, Under Armour CEO and Maryland alumnus Kevin Plank sits on the university's Board of Trustees. Plank's close ties to his alma mater gives the school a recruiting advantage but also raises concerns of an improper booster relationship.

UPDATE: University of Maryland's response