Friday, February 27, 2009

Introducing: New Jersey Nick

So today I went to lunch and I stopped at the near by McDonald's because I'm poor and Catholic. This week was the beginning of Lent, which means no meat on Fridays. This is despite the fact I don't attend church, lust after every mans wife, lie, use God's name in vain, and am pretty sure I [Snuggie] with myself more then anyone. I still don't eat meat during lent, and since I'm poor and our country is going to hell, I decided to go eat a filet o' fish sandwich for $3 minus the cheese.

Anyway some young kids on bikes, maybe 14 or 15, were smoking cigs near the drive-thru lane. It really brought me back to the days of when I was a child and TV used to scare the crap out of me with PSAs featuring famous celebs. No one was more influential in scaring the nicotine out of me than the Ultimate Warrrrrrrior

Who would going to go near a cig after seeing that maniac? What we didn't know back then is that the Warrior was so coked and roided up that he was just probably eating cigarettes to give his jaw a chew toy. I guess my point is that there are no more corny, "I learned it from watching you Dad"-type PSAs anymore. The days of interrupting Uncle Jesse life lessons with the Warrior going ape shit have given way to commercial kids trapped in a weed cocoon. A weed cocoon that looks more comfortable than a Snuggie, I might add.

NJ Nick

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