Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Jbones Asks : Where Have All The NYC Girls Gone?

I can't begin to describe all the ways that the show "Sex in the City" has ruined the image of women in New York. While the program itself is now an afterthought, its influence still resonates throughout Manhattan. An influx of Southern and Midwest girls has become a rampant virus upon our city, just as this terrible show at one time had taken over and desecrated the airwaves with a reign of pretentious shallowness and girlpower. They strive to be like their favorite merry band of socialista nitwits; life imitating art in Murray Hill.

You can smell the stench of their middle-American mediocrity all the way up in Westchester. Their annoying foreign accents pierce my brain and disturb my general train of thought. They live among us sipping cosmos and apple-tinis in tiny overpriced apartments driving up rents and forcing most to find accommodations in some sort of den of inequity. They exude a level of horniness unsurpassed by the most nymphomaniacal dog in heat (okay, I don't really have a problem with that). They are the girly nouvelles of New York. The ones that have recently moved to Manhattan from your generic small town bible belt upbringing and are guaranteeing that the Jindal/Palin ticket will MAKE IT HAPPEN in 2012. However, they are also unaware that the lifestyle they have emigrated for, the one depicted in all of the sexy shows, in reality lies with only a privileged minority.

The realization of the 'sexy lifestyle,' as I call it, obviously never comes to fruition even though it often appears as if it does. How many of us have scrolled across the over-informative profile on the newswire of our facebook page only to find some pseudo friend of ours from college is "grabbing drinks with the girls" or "don't stay up, we're partying like rockstars." Loosely translated this means, “We are playing grown up at Tonic East with 3 d-bags we met from Long Island.” It's not that I dislike the girly nouvelles. I can fully appreciate why they would love New York. It is the best city in the world. What I can't seem to wrap my head around his how 4 girls from Columbus Ohio can seriously run around the city proclaiming how New York they are as they giggle like morons about mindless minutia ranging from pinkberry to what happened on the last episode of the bachelor. This has got to be joke, doesn't it?

Unfortunately it isn't. And the problem only seems to be perpetuating itself. With the looming economic crisis appearing unending, rents are on the downturn only making it ever more affordable for the seemingly infinite amount of silly public relations people and Devil Wear's Prada wannabe's to move into the cultural mecca that is Murray Hill. What has happened to all of the hot, stylish, free thinking girls of NYC? Where are you, honestly? Please take back your city.

Jbones OUT


  1. There is some pretty impressive vocabulary in this post for a guy named Jbones.

  2. the cool girls do improv


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